Inkbenders (Work In Progress)
  • Home
  • Guest(s)
    • Warren Hunter >
      • Poem
      • Essay
    • Tyler Sharp
    • DK Metcalf ; ) >
      • How I Became an NFL Player
  • Creators
    • Riley Bennett >
      • Fan Fiction
      • Characters >
        • Winter Widow
    • Karena Nippress >
      • Digital Art
    • Abbigail Burdette >
      • Drawings
    • Hayden Scott >
      • RealmArt Comics >
        • Character Profiles >
          • Heros >
            • Karudo
            • Dr. Darke
            • Chernobyl
            • Richter
            • Romulus
            • Erebus Nyght
            • Metabola
            • Reverberator
          • Antiheroes >
            • Maskerrade
          • Heroines >
            • Jumpscare
            • AIHA File
            • Purifier
            • Aleera File
            • Montage
          • Antiheroines >
            • Madame Magick
          • Villains >
            • Cranio
            • InkStain
        • Subject Study Files
        • Species Files >
          • Inverts
        • Stories >
          • Karudo: Showdown with The Super Predator
          • Erebus Nyght Origin
          • CW 2,3,4 Magic Dice 1
    • Gia Coleman >
      • Art >
        • Colored Pencil >
          • Human Faces
          • Flowers
        • Eyes
        • Animals
    • Scribbler >
      • Long Prose >
        • The Old Book Reopens >
          • Chapter
          • Chapter
          • Chapter
          • Chapter
          • Chapter
      • Short Prose >
        • A Big, Greek Mythology, Storytime Book (actual mythology, not for children) >
          • Author's Foreword
          • In the Greek Beginning…
          • The First Children
      • Poetry >
        • Verse, Blank, Like Your Face
    • Jericho >
      • Poetry
  • Creative Writing Classes
  • Contact
  • Announcements
    • by anonymous
  • Clay
  • Blog


​250 seconds
That’s the average
The golden standard
For a song
An escape
That’s what art is
Crawling out of my skin
My bones will crack
I scream
A shrieking concerto
Is this real life?
I live my days in fear
I’m sorry
For who I am
For what I am
For the things I’ve done
And will do
I don’t know if I can change
But I want to
For you
You are a song
A melody
A rising concerto of love and hope
You bring me peace
And safety
All I can think about
Is how much I love you
It screams like an orchestra
Across my soul
Echoing
The reverberations
Bending the boundaries
Of the drum that is my being
A pounding droning rhythm
I’m sorry
I love you
But I hate myself
Self sabotage
Is an instinct
I have trained myself
To believe that happiness
Is a warning
That the sun will always set
And things will just be worse
I’m so convinced
That I’m not meant to be happy
Or satisfied
That I’m not worthy
I’m so afraid
That one day you’ll see me
For what I am
Broken.

​Nervous tic
Tac toe
Grinding teeth into my skull
Something broken
Deep inside
Jealous
Hating
I’m sorry
You love me when the sun goes down
A twitch
An urge
An eye closed tightly
I want to hurt
It’s an urge
An addiction
I’m an option
I’m so scared
I’m so sorry
You are the sun
I need you
But I’m so scared
One day I’ll break
And you’ll leave me in pieces
In his absence
I am witty
I am loving
I would do anything for you
In his presence
I am mean
And angry
And vindictive
I’m sorry
I hate who I am
But if you say you love me
I must be doing something right.

​Silence
Is terrifying
Its a warning
I can’t tell the difference
Between silence
And calm
Is this finally the end?
Or just the calm before the storm
I can’t do it again
I split my soul open
Showed you things
Told you things
That I will never reveal again
I can’t break this shell
Just momentary cracks
Sealed by distrust and paranoia
All I am anymore
Is scar tissue
A vague memory of what should be there
I hate myself
I just want to be happy
I want you
I drown out the silence
With friends and food
Music and drugs
But it doesn’t change
I shouldn’t be this numb
I can’t feel anything
Ive already grieved
Ive just been waiting
For reality to catch up
Im a rat in a cage
No control
Helpless
Falling
A downward spiral
Can I change?
Can people change?
Or am I locked into this fate
Is this how it’s meant to be?

​An ouroboros
A self fulfilling prophecy
Sabotage
Self sabotage
I can’t help myself
I can’t stop it
Everything breaks eventually
I just make it happen quicker
Everything I touch
I doubt every decision I make
Every step I take
Until I didn’t
One decision
One desire
No doubts
No second thoughts
I love you
And I’m sorry
I want you
You don’t think that’s for the best
I must be psychic
I knew something like this would happen
Figured, at least
In the back of my head
The only thing worse than being wrong
Is being right.

Rage
Is a terrifying promise
That at any odd moment
I will snap
And break
Myself
And everything that’s near
I can feel it brimming
My blood begins to boil
My mouth practically foams
And I’m scared
Because after everything that’s happened
I don’t want to lose you still
I’m the maddest at myself
I’m hungry
And I’m tired
I want to scream
But the only thing that comes out
Are promises of help and forgiveness
I had made progress
I was better
But throwing yourself under
Someone who’s falling
Tends to mess you back up
I was happy for an instant
A fleeting
Dreaming moment
Then it was gone again
About what I expected
I don’t know what to feel
Or who to love
What to think
Or how to act
I wrapped these chains around myself
Tied the ends around cinderblocks
And threw them into a lake
I don’t know why
I keep fighting
Not in the hopeless sense
But there’s nothing there
To motivate me
I’m scared.

​Thunder
Roaring in my skull
Lightning crackling through my veins
A rolling storm
Dry lightning
Aggression with no target
Aimless hate
Directionless
Floating
Just moving forward
Day by day
Deep inside
When I’m with you
The clouds will split
The sun shines through
Happiness
Completeness
The shards of who I am come together
I am whole
I am a hole
A gaping maw
I break and I hate
And I just kinda suck
I hate and I hate and I just hate
I hate myself
I’m corrosive
I’m toxic
All I do is destroy the things that come close to me
Most of the time
I don’t even know who I am
I’m so confused
I’m so scared
I’m so sorry
All I know is how to hurt
I’m sorry.

​Truth
What is truth?
The unbreakable
Immutable
Bones of the earth
All of us want truth
Confirmation
The greatest human fear is uncertainty
The despot seeks truth of his power
The priest seeks truth of his messiah
The lunatic seeks the truth of his illusion
It is the greatest comfort
A man can find
The truth of love
Of hate
All I want
Is certainty
It’s not unrealistic
Is it?
I just want to know
What they really feel
My deepest desire is not love
Not at the deepest level
Nor is my real motivation hate
The greatest human weakness
Is the inability to tell the truth
The truth may hurt
But lies will scald
It burns
Deep into the fabric of a soul
I have spent a lifetime
Bombarded with lies
The truth seems untouchable
But no matter how much the very soul of humanity
Smashes the bloody, broken, hands of God
His machinations run deeper than what is real
Into what is true
Even though I walk through the valley of the untrue
I will fear no lie
This is my testament
To a world that could be.

​You are my sunshine
The love
And light
Of my life
I would do anything for you
Climb mountains
Swim seas
Face my greatest fears
Because no matter what
You’re worth it
You’re perfect
A life with you would be my heaven
You have helped me
You have saved me
In ways you can’t imagine
I love you
You’re an angel
A miracle
The best thing to ever happen to me
Or anybody else
Életem Fénye
Thank you.

My thoughts
Are like a wind tunnel.
An endless swirling torrent
Of emotion and logic.
Locked in vicious battle,
A never ending war.
Eventually I learned
That if I didn’t want to think,
All these horrific thoughts
That the next best option
Was to cease to think at all.
It wasn’t very difficult.
I already had a reputation
Of being a knuckle-headed idiot
At times.
All I had to do
Was pretend to be reckless and dumb,
Fearless and proud,
Shut off my higher thinking.
I’ve always been smart.
Smarter than most,
Or that’s at least what they say.
All my friends,
My whole family,
Most adults I’ve ever met,
I always hear the same thing.
“Wow, you’re really smart!”
“You’re super kind and generous!”
“You’re so respectful and polite!”
“You have so much potential, but…”
But.
All too often.
My whole life
Has been comprised
Of broken promises and lies.
So much trauma
So much horror.
I’ve experienced things
That would drive a grown man to madness.
I’ve almost lost it.
So, so, so, so, so many times.
All it would take
Is just one snap.
I don’t want to hurt anybody.
But I’m so angry.
Theres so much hate that I’ve internalized.
A whirling churning storm
A colossal inferno
A spinning tower of flame.
My thoughts are like a wind tunnel.
For so long I’ve coped by letting them run over me
As I hid in my bubble.
But sometimes.
The bubble breaks
And I am left in an infinite endless hallway
Empty.
Of all but very few thoughts.
I am in a wind tunnel.
Buffeted by constant gusts
A torrential roaring wind.
I scream.
I must scream.
But I CAN’T.
BECAUSE IF I SCREAM, I WILL HURT.
I CANNOT HURT OTHERS.
ALL IT WILL TAKE IS ONE.
I CANNOT BREAK.
I HAVE TO BE STRONG.
If I break, they all will too.
I am Atlas.
I was never a child.
I was born and then my childhood was stolen.
I carry so much on my back
I don’t ask much.
I don’t want much.
But it will only take one.
Before I lose my grip
And the world comes rolling off my shoulders.
I love them.
But I can’t treat myself the same way.
I wake up every morning
Full of spite
At the world that put me in this situation.
I live in spite of my past.
I am strong.
I will stay strong.
But…
But nothing.
This is who I am.
The pain created me.
But it will not change me.
I am a wind tunnel.
I am Atlas.
I would love to believe,
I need to believe,
That holding the world
Is not a curse,
But a responsibility.
I am strong.
I am Atlas.
Copyright 2016 Sights & Sounds
  • Home
  • Guest(s)
    • Warren Hunter >
      • Poem
      • Essay
    • Tyler Sharp
    • DK Metcalf ; ) >
      • How I Became an NFL Player
  • Creators
    • Riley Bennett >
      • Fan Fiction
      • Characters >
        • Winter Widow
    • Karena Nippress >
      • Digital Art
    • Abbigail Burdette >
      • Drawings
    • Hayden Scott >
      • RealmArt Comics >
        • Character Profiles >
          • Heros >
            • Karudo
            • Dr. Darke
            • Chernobyl
            • Richter
            • Romulus
            • Erebus Nyght
            • Metabola
            • Reverberator
          • Antiheroes >
            • Maskerrade
          • Heroines >
            • Jumpscare
            • AIHA File
            • Purifier
            • Aleera File
            • Montage
          • Antiheroines >
            • Madame Magick
          • Villains >
            • Cranio
            • InkStain
        • Subject Study Files
        • Species Files >
          • Inverts
        • Stories >
          • Karudo: Showdown with The Super Predator
          • Erebus Nyght Origin
          • CW 2,3,4 Magic Dice 1
    • Gia Coleman >
      • Art >
        • Colored Pencil >
          • Human Faces
          • Flowers
        • Eyes
        • Animals
    • Scribbler >
      • Long Prose >
        • The Old Book Reopens >
          • Chapter
          • Chapter
          • Chapter
          • Chapter
          • Chapter
      • Short Prose >
        • A Big, Greek Mythology, Storytime Book (actual mythology, not for children) >
          • Author's Foreword
          • In the Greek Beginning…
          • The First Children
      • Poetry >
        • Verse, Blank, Like Your Face
    • Jericho >
      • Poetry
  • Creative Writing Classes
  • Contact
  • Announcements
    • by anonymous
  • Clay
  • Blog